|<div class="gr-box gr-genericbox" align="center">|
|<div class="gr-box gr-genericbox" align="center">|
I'm a Swedish girl, living on the countryside between woods and lakes.
Hobby photographer that like to take pictures, in odd angles. Mostly dolls, cup cakes, cats, figures and every now and then naked people.
Using a Olympus E-510 Camera. I so want to upgrade!
I'm a rabid fangirl! I ship series, movies, characters, music, books, cupcakes, flavors, pink and fluffiness.
If you have any question, don't hesitate to ask! I won't bite.
Do not use my pictures or characters as your own!
As many of you might already know by now, a great actor have passed away. Robin Williams is no more, probably committed suicide due to deep depression and a struggle with drugs and alcohol for years. And I have spent the evening catching up on social medias and reading peoples reaction and their sadness and grief. I have also seen a lot of pictures saying depression kills people and is a real, terrible illness. And a lot of people have been talking about suicide now, and depression as well. And that is good, I really think we need to alert people of this. People need to know that you can't just get over it, or laugh it away. Some of the greatest comedians alive are suffering from depression. One of the greatest comedian of our time (WIlliams) could not just laugh it away. It is a real problem. A great problem for those who suffering from it.
I read the reactions from people. They cry, they feel sadness and grief. I feel nothing. I'm numb. Someone died. People died all the time. That is a fact, that we all gonna die. So I'm not chocked when people dies, it's a part of life. If people dies from over dozing drugs or things like that, I really couldn't care less. The sad part in the case with suicide and drugs is that they don't get the help they need. It's sad that society can't help. Or won't help. It is sad that people feel that death is the only way to go. But I can totally understand them. I understand how they feel and why they do as the do. Why the take that absolute pat to walk down. I can understand every bit of it, be course I have been there. I have lived that pain on a daily basis for half my life now. I have come to terms with it now. This is how it is. I will live with this. Since no one, no doctor will actually admit that I' depressed, or have ever been, or that my dark thought are something to take serious. So I have come to the conclusion that this is my life. I will always live with this. And sometimes I wonder if it's eve worth it. I turned 30 this year, and half my life I have suffered from this more or less. Du I want to live like this for another 30, 40, 50 years? No. if this is my future life I don't want to live it. Since it's just not worth all the darkness and the pain and struggle. So I can really understand all those who end their life due to depression. I would probably do he same if I had the strength and courage to end my life. You see, from my point of view, it's not a sign of weakness. It takes a lot to actually commit suicide. It's not the easy way out. some times it's the only way out. I never judge someone that makes that decision. I know a lot of people do that. They are shaming a struggling, sick dead person for not want to live through hell on a daily basis. Since I have been there, live that hell, I can only wish for that those tormented souls will find inner peace where ever they go afterwards. And that they will have a better life next time.
Another thing I reacted on when I read through the comments, was the masks. In a blog there were the line "have the class clown, of the funny guy in class suddenly just stopped being funny around you, and you are wondering what happened.? Well, it just show that that funny person finally feel he can put down his mask in front of you, and just be himself." That really got to me, since I was that person in high school. I was the always happy, smiling girl. But one day, over a night I stopped. My mask cracked. And people around me noticed that, and started to ask my what happened, why I become such a sad person. I learned to put on masks again, but now they are more subtle. Like never really tell about these things. That never go to personal. These masks are important, they help keep the illusion up. But when they crack, it's the real person that you see. Try and not say stupid things that make the person make new and stronger masks. Sometimes we need to take all those masks off and just be our selves.
This recent events got me thinking of a piece of art I did some years ago.
And how important it is to keep talking about this. To make people understand a bit better about the struggle and hell people with depression suffer. Keep be there for people who suffer this, keep talking about this. Hopefully we can make a difference for a better future and to give people a better future to live for.
And no, before anyone asks, I'm not suicidal. I'm not going to actually end my life. I would not be sad if I died thou. But I'm not active trying to end my life. I'm to weak for that. I have come to term with it, and trying to do the best of my situation.
I wish you all the best! Thank you for reading a chapter of the story about my life